manipulation and vices

Secure people find validation from within; while insecure people attempt to find validation from sources outside themselves - or live though a partner. 

Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique, respond with defensiveness, and tend to want the last word. They aren't comfortable enough with themselves to accept they might be flawed. They may issue unfair punishments or orders to prove their authority - or ultimatums. They engage in manipulation and power-plays and when they don't get their way they act out verbally (abuse, hurtful words, or threats) - or as if they are a victim. They like to play innocent, and they like to ACT.

This external search for security manifests itself in two major ways:

A person becomes overly selfish making people in their "game" sacrifice -or change - to better suit their selfish idea of what they believe they deserve.

When she wants you all to herself it isn't because she loves you THAT much; it is because she's afraid she'll lose control. She'll throw a fit if you want to spend a night with the boys, have a life outside of her, or do something outside her wants - she might even cry.

This may seem innocent enough in the beginning, but it’s all just a ploy to get your attention back on her – where she thinks it belongs. The longer you date, the more justified she’s going to feel about it, too. Marry this chick, and you’re looking at your own personal War of the Roses. This girl either got way too much, or way too little, attention from Daddy. Unless you want to play surrogate, dump her and find someone normal. 
or

 they are overly accommodating. An overly accommodating person attempts to gain the approval of other people by bending over backwards for them or creating an image of themselves that leads others to believe they are someone they are not. A big sign is 
If she wants to do everything for you. She wants to cook, clean and be your personal wench. That may sound great, but this chick has serious issues. Not only is she clingy, she’s dependent. In other words, she needs you to need her, or she feels useless. It isn't that she can't live without you, it's that she can't live without the way you make her feel, and she can't live without feeling important. Yeah, another self-esteem issue. Mind you, most women enjoy doing things for their man, and some even enjoy cooking, cleaning, etc. But not like an indentured servant. If she’s holding your slippers and newspaper and (s)mothering you every time you turn around, this chick’s a nut.

A need to control or dominate is a sign of an insecure individual. Controlling partners often expect their mates to follow strict rules, as they have found a way of living which makes them feel safe and secure in their relationship - the partner is usually insecure as well, or feels trapped and feels pressure. Usually the partners insecurities have been played up by the power-play-manipulation tactics of the dominate partner. i.e. threats, ultimatums, putdowns/abusive tone, or - in mormon words - usage of "the eternal one." 

INSECURE PEOPLE feel threatened by others, and one way to cope with this is to try and squash them and remove them. The more threatening person of all to an insecure person is a secure person, because they can sense their power and fear their own capabilities.

//sarabrook